When I was home for Thanksgiving, I woke up on Friday morning to a painful sight. I had a red and somewhat infected eye issue. Gross! So I waited a day, and on Saturday it was worse. My mom took me to the minor-emergency room. I never thought that was a strange concept until I got home and someone questioned a minor-emergency. Well, yes, this was minor, but I still needed treatment.

Anyway, we go to this Doctor's office of sorts on highway 183 in Austin. It's where people go when they dont have a regular doctor or get hurt on the job. I was quite nervous because the last time I had been the minor-emergency, I had tree bark in my eye....when I was about 4 yrs old. I might have been there once after, but that's the one that stuck in my mind.

So, we walk in and there arent too many people there. Good sign. I go up to the desk with my mom and the check-in clerk...well, she is a character. Please read the next few quotes from this woman as best you can in a New Yorker Puertorican voice. I know, I know, we were in Texas, but I shit-you-not, she had that voice.

Boriqua: "What's ya problem?
Me: "Um, I have this eye thing. See, it's red and puffy."
Boriqua: "Oh my god, girl, look atcha otha eye. it's all purple"
Me: "ok? but my right eye is the one with the problem."
Boriqua: "Wait, no look atcha other eye, it's all purple and stuff. Hey girls!! (calls to other clerks). come ova here and look at this girl's eye."
My mom [laughing]
Me: [laughing]
Boriqua: "ya eye's all purple. And ya mom's even laughin about it."
Me & my mom: [laughing even harder now, not believing what's going on]
Me: [feeling degected but laughing] "excuse me, my eye lids are naturally purple and I dont have any makeup on. It's my right eye that has a problem."

After that mess, I fill out the necessary forms at my chair and my mom and I re-enact the entire situation over and over. But we're trying not to laugh. It's tough!

I get called into the exam room and my mom goes with me because now I'm even more scared than ever. These people are a bit crazy. After the nurse comes and goes, the doctor walks in. He takes one split second look at me, points his finger about 4 inches from my eye, and almost yells "Stye." I wanted to laugh again, but I had to keep it in. I look at my mom and we smile....thinking, what the hell is going on at this place. He quickly asks if I have any questions...with one hand on the door as if he has to go save the world in the next 2 seconds. I ask him what a stye really is. He says "it's a pimple on the eye. I'll give you some medicine." And he leaves. The entire diagnosis and questions takes about 90 seconds.

we are now back in the waiting room hoping they will take my insurance and pay the bill. Then the soap opera begins.

In walks the tallest black man ever. He goes up to the counter and says hi to Boriqua. She says "hey honeyyyyyy." He sits down and Boriqua walks over to Latina (another hispanic woman) and says that she should check out her boyfriend. But where Latina is standing, she cant see the boyfriend. A few minutes later, Latina peeks around the corner and sees boyfriend and he catches her eye. Wow, it looks as if they know each other! Latina blushes and Boyfriend does the same...they are both smiling and doing the obligatory "how are you," "what are you doing here." Latina walks to the back of the office with Boriqua and I can see Latina mouth "I used to date him" and Boriqua says, in full voice "No you di-ent." They run to the back behind a wall and I cant see what's going on, but they are giggling and very chatty. It's all very interesting.

By this time, a construction worker is settling his bill and Boriqua says that she won't be in the office for his next check-up in a few days. Construction worker says (in a great southern accent) "Well, then I'll just see you next time I get hurt on the job." Again, I'm laughing.

I settle my $10 co-pay (woo hoo!) and Boriqua says to me "I like that name Brooke, if I have a girl someday, I wanna name her Brooke." Um, ok? guess she got confused with my last name.

Ok, so that was my experience. I'm still laughing about it.